Unemployment Blues

     Well, we're wrapping up June, and hopefully also, the June blues. It's been a whole two months since I was last employed. You would think that, as a teenager, I am stoked about this. However, I am not. I'm broke, and that means no new clothes. That also means I am about to lose a bunch of weight. I thought being jobless would be a nice break. It always takes awhile to find a job. But this, this is too long. Instead of the break I pictured, a lovely, sunny vacation filled with sipping lemonade at the beach, it's been more of a...well, let's just say afternoon is the new morning, and boxer shorts and tee shirts are the new version of being dressed.
     June was, to be blunt, boring. Summer vacation always starts bad. When July is born, panic is also born, and summer becomes worth something. This summer, especially, is panic-filled and depressing. This is the last summer I'll ever have school after. Well, except college..but that's just not the same. I'll never have to go school shopping again. I'll never have to get lunch money again. I'll never have to worry about remembering a locker combination. That's scary. No, it's TERRIFYING. I'm about to become an adult, and it's not fun. At all. I had a job that, while I hated it, it was still a job. I was still given currency in exchange for services. And I need that again. There is nothing more degrading, humiliating, depressing, and downright sad than me without a job. It's horrid. I am just a bum sitting around. I don't see myself as anything important. So, that's all of June. Me applying for jobs, me feeling like crap. 
     Also, I hung out with Cidney a lot. You know, the whole feeling crappy thing? Yeah. Before we got together, I had quite a lot to offer. I was at least passing most things, that employment thing was full swing, and I was still motivated. When school let out, everything kind of fell apart, and I became lame. So now, all that I had to offer, I need to go fishing for, because it's in the toilet. I am now SUPER BUM! 
     Coming up in a few days is JULY. Which means fireworks and barbecues and, hopefully, swimming. I've been craving it. I've only been swimming once so far, and Tatum tried to drown me. And I was pre-occupied with being really ticked. Grandma's birthday is coming, which means I get to see her. I miss the crap out of my grandma. I'm not used to not being around her constantly. She used to text me and call me multiple times a day to ask for help with things. Now she's a couple hours away, and I really miss being needed! I could always count on Grandma to make me feel useful. 
     Another thing that's happening in July...my mom's coming. *twilight zone theme plays* Yes, that means I have to see her. For a week. And then, I have to hang out with the kids for ANOTHER week. I'm panicking. My mom. I managed to go get the only two people in the universe that it is IMPOSSIBLE to impress, as parents. And, since I've been extremely unimpressive lately, I feel there may be impending drama and tense, awkward, forced conversation. Joy to the world. But, I'll deal with it, because I really missed my siblings. More people that needed me. You know, to have someone to take them to the park and give them junk food and whatnot. 
     Basically, the moral of the past few months...it's nice to be needed, and I need a job. Woot :) 

I'm going away for awhile.

     I'm going to stay in Elkhorn for a day or a few days or a long time or I don't know how long really, but who cares, I'm leaving. That's my run-on sentence for the day. I have decided I'm sick of being in or near Lincoln, so I need some family time with my favourite five-year-old, and my favourite Arlene. Oh, and my favourite Uncle Matt, too. So that's awesome.

     I've talked to Cidney for probably a combined time of 30 minutes in the last four days. So that's awesome.

     I  saw a picture dad put on Facebook of me from yesterday, and promptly untagged myself. Not because it's a bad picture in general, but because I'm disgusted with the fact that I have gotten EXTREMELY fat in the last year. So that's awesome.

     My XBOX and I are having a somewhat estranged love-hate relationship lately. We aren't friends, but I use it when I'm bored. I think it senses this, and has decided to demand reboot in the middle of a game on occasion so I'll spend more time with it. Obligatory XBOX time. So that's awesome.

     My room looks like a scene from The Terminator. I need to clean it. I'm pretty sure there's a few homeless people taking shelter in my mountain of clothes and magazines. So that's awesome.

     My dad is now skinnier AND more attractive than me. So that's awesome.

     I smell like a lake, and I found sand in my underwear that I did not put there. Dad took the bath last night because he "had to go to bed" (we got home at 7) so I didn't get to take one. It's definitely time. I smell like friggin' Long John Silver's. So that's awesome.

     I don't know where my wallet is, and I have a week of service left on my phone. I also have JUST under what I need to pay for it. I think it's time to start dealing narcotics. So that's awesome.

     I lost my Alice In Chains pick that I caught at the concert. At Amanda's. I'll never see it again. So that's awesome.

     I have no life and I need to get out more. AWESOME.

Some Days Don't Go As Well As Others

     Well, guys, it's been awhile. I don't know what's new, really. The other day, while driving home, Cidney looked at her phone and said "oh, happy two month." So it's been two months. I'm glad she doesn't care too much about individual months, because I don't either.
     With her, everything's going fine. Aside from that, though, things are rough. I'm pretty alone most of the time. I don't have anyone to talk to. When I call people, I get answering machines. It's always a bad time. I've been really craving family lately. Unfortunately, I don't see anyone much. This summer has been just...kind of bad. I haven't left the house more than to go to town. I miss hanging out with Mo and Kenny and the kids. I've really been missing Adrienne. It's weird. I always figured I'd be the only one to get up and go away, getting old enough and everything. I never thought I'd lose so many important people in my life. I miss Saturdays like they used to be, before everything changed. Those Saturdays saved me.